Daft Fish

It’s the year 2025, and the need for a reflection addiction rehabilitation center is more dire than ever—for recovering dope fiends, at least. You are unemployed. You wake up to a message on LinkedIn, and there’s also that long voice note your mom sent you. Your survival

LinkedIn has got to have the highest concentration of self-flattery, narcissism, virtue signaling, and the lengthiest array of undiagnosed mental conditions that materialize in the form of vomit-inducing posts.  Everyone on LinkedIn has burning takeaways that must be shared with the rest of humanity at any cost. The problem is,

One of the residents at my block is a true speed demon, but not in the efficient sense. I take a shuttle bus that commutes to and from the estate and the train station, and for some odd reason, my travel time coincides with hers more often than I would

I was on the way home when a stalking chugger approached me for “two minutes” of my time. Seconds of indecision later, I learned that he represented a cancer charity. I thought that was an easy one to duck, for I do what I can to support the cause but

What is the difference between meetings and lunch breaks? To some, it is one and the same. Let me tell you what the last thing I want to talk about during the one-hour break I have at a nine-to-five is: you guessed it, dumbass, work! This is when I get

Home labs are both a source of happiness and bone-shattering exasperation. Why do we do this to ourselves, especially those of us who do this shit for a living? Haven’t we had enough during the day? If so, why have we come back for a second round of battering?

Ever look around you at work and see two people you would have mistaken for a couple if you didn’t know better? Michael keeps talking about how cute his kids are, but his actions and apparent commitment to the fam hardly match his public portrayal of affinity for this

While I was having dinner, this young punk loudly and shallowly explained how AI worked to what seemed to be his grandparents, who sat across from him. Why do you even bother, man? You got a better chance at getting your cat to master the Sicilian defense and beat you

For the love of God, think — even for a second — about the implications of the shit you are uploading. Don't let your foolish urge to submit content to the internet in pursuit of a brief moment of virality be the end of you, fool. There has got to

If I ever decide that staying fit is not worth my while, make no mistake, some dumbass with a camera and a tripod at the gym was the breaking point. "But I was just checking my form, bro." Yeah, right. How about that tech neck, bro? Don'